I got inspired to write this when a friend of mine told me of how ladies in his school VG were sharing about how much they regretted their past relationships and how they wish they waited.
Dear Young Lady,
I’ve been there. I know what it’s like to have loved at the wrong time; to have given too much than you should have; to have gone against what your conscience was telling you because something felt good, because someone made you feel wanted. I know what it’s like to have enjoyed it for the moment being, and later look back and see nothing but trainwreck and regret.
Did Prince Charming turn out to be the villain? Did the evil stepsisters triumph and have left the townspeople making rumors about you? Did you fall in love not with the prince, but with the princess? I don’t know, I don’t know your story.
But I do know this: you’ve been injured, you’ve been hurt. Whether you like it or not, a part of you has been broken. You’re now partly jaded, kind of cynical. Does it still leave you aching? The thought of how you’ll never have a chance to have your first ever kiss at the altar? Of how your first didn’t turn out to be your last? Of how your most recent love didn’t turn out to be the forever kind?
To a certain degree, you probably think you lost your chance at a fairytale.
But see, life has never been about being a fairytale. It has always been the story of redemption.
Don’t dwell on what you have lost, on what you have given away – physically or emotionally. Of course there’s pain, of course there’s regret. However, with God, there are new beginnings. He can make beauty out of ashes. Yes, acknowledge what you have done, acknowledge how far you’ve fallen. But then fix your eyes on the cross, and realize that He has long declared that pain finished; He has nailed your failures to the cross. Please stop trying to take them down from there.
I know you wish you didn’t make the mistakes you did, but you have. Now stop magnifying them, and magnify God’s forgiveness, magnify His renewing power. I’m not going to lie, there will be scars. Those are the consequences of something done out of God’s will, that’s why He has always been so intent on getting us aligned to Him. But God is able to take back what seemingly has been stolen, and He will restore it back to you a thousandfold. Walk in light of His forgiveness, walk in the transforming power of His grace.
This is His word for you: No matter how deep the stain of your sins, I can remove it. I can make you as clean as freshly fallen snow. Even if you are stained as red as crimson, I can make you as white as wool. (Isaiah 1:18)
Forgive the person who has hurt you. Forgive yourself. Allow yourself to be forgiven.
And sweetheart, don’t be afraid that your future spouse would not be able to accept your past. Love covers all sin, and he will accept all of you. I’m not saying it will be easy for him to handle, but I’m saying that if he’s the right one, he’ll look at you as how God sees you – redeemed, lovely, and pure.
Do know that not all people are out to hurt you. I understand that the world is full of predators and you really do have to be wise about the people you trust, but don’t instantly assume the worst in everyone. For example, while it is true that there are boys who are seemingly epitomes of playboy-ness, there are also men who fear God and live such honorable lives. We just have to be careful to discern who is truly who.
Also, don’t think that your mistakes disqualify you from a beautiful, loving relationship in the future. I know ladies who have been attracted to the same gender, and yet they chose to surrender and embrace how God created them to be so now they have come to have blooming and joy-filled romantic relationships with godly men. I have heard testimonies of women who lost their virgnity to someone before their husband came along – some willingly, some without consent. But because they chose to repent, to trust God and believe that He has called them pure in spite of everything, they didn’t settle for less than what God wanted for them still and today they have such lovely families. So don’t be afraid to give away your heart again when God gives you the go. If that guy loves God more than he loves you, then there is no need to fear. When the time comes and when the right man comes, you can love and be loved the way God has always planned true love to be.
Stop listening to who the world says you are. Don’t be affected by who your friends expect you to be. Renounce every curse ever thrown against you, every lie about yourself that you ever believed. Hear what the One who made you says for only He knows who you truly are and how you were created to be.
You are precious, a treasure that the Son of God Himself was willing to die for. And this Maker of heaven and earth calls you worthy; He calls you beautiful. The King of the entire Universe claims you to be His daughter, whose identity is founded in Him. So don’t listen to the voices in your head or believe anyone who has told you otherwise.
You can’t change your past, but there is hope for your future.
For this is the hope of a broken heart: Christ.
In Him, there are second chances. In Him, all things are new. He is the Hero of this story. He is your Knight in Shining Armor. He is your Prince Charming.
God is still writing your love story. I know it’s cliche, but it’s true. Until then, just focus on what God wants you to do this season. Know Him, spend time with His people, grow in your character and interests. And wait, very patiently wait.
Because this is redemption: a second chance at a fairytale. The true kind. The eternal kind.
Your fairytale isn’t over yet. In Him, it’s only just beginning.
P.S. To the teenagers who have read this and would somehow want to use God’s grace as an excuse to do whatever they want – don’t.