A Lover, Not A Sugar Daddy

I still remember the day I first saw you. Immediately, you were etched into My heart. It was love at first sight and since then, I adored you with all My might.

I’m sure, being in a relationship with Me is not all you pictured it to be.
Because you knew I treasured you so immensely, you pictured rainbows and butterflies when in reality, all I offered you was a love that would fight for you; a love I hoped you’d fight for.

And so I ask you today: why do you love Me?

Do you love Me because of the gifts I give you?
Do you love Me because of how tightly I hug you?
Do you love Me because of how gentle I am?
Do you love Me because of My promises, My glorious plan?

Or do you love Me just because I am?

Will you still like Me if blessings stop going your way?
Or when you can’t see the light of day?
Will you still want Me if I do not answer your prayer?
If I say no to all your desires, will you still lift Me higher?

Now what if death happens to someone you love?
What if the promise doesn’t come when you expected it from above?
What if I ask you to wait twenty years more?
Will you still be there, praising my name even as you lay crying on the floor?

What will happen if I take all your prized possessions?
Will your mouth speak worship or will it mutter moans?
Will you grumble like a spoiled little baby?
Or will you, in faith, hold on to what you cannot see?

When you feel My absence, will you still be faithful?
In your heart, will I still be the One in reign, in rule?
When I discipline you, will you allow it in humility?
Or will you be defiant and refuse, acting so stubbornly?

See, I think I need to remind you
It is a narrow road you have chosen to pursue.
You require too many blessings of this earth,
Is it not enough that I have died so you may have birth?

When I ask you to take up your cross
Will you die to yourself, none too much of a loss?

Beloved, this is a two-way relationship, so do count the cost.

If you want to love Me, love Me for all I am

I am Love as I am Justice
I am Grace as I am Truth
I am Patient as I am Wrath
I am Kind as I am Discipline
I am Forgiving as I am Holy

I am He

Father, King, Lord, Lover

Not Sugar Daddy.

I do believe that God promises to bless His people. However, I also believe it is good to check our hearts every so often to know why we actually follow God. I have heard people turning their backs on Christ so many times just because He refused to give what they wanted, as if He existed for our satisfaction and not the other way around. I honestly grieve when people complain of how much God is requiring of them; such a stark contrast to the disciples who readily laid down their lives for Him with no question. People seem to think that following Christ should mean tangible rewards. 

“God since I obeyed You, give me…” 

Newsflash: God does not need to “pay” us for our obedience. I think we all need to be reminded that we live for His glory – every breath we breathe, every second we’re alive is to His glory.

We love because He first loved us, and the greatest manifestation of that love is His sacrifice on the cross. He need not give us any more proof of His love, for that act alone was proof enough. The fact that He created us and He died for us and He continues to sustain us is enough for us to love Him for all that He is with all that we are – even if material blessings no longer come our way, trusting that our reward is in heaven. 

One ultimate question I would want to pose is this: will you live for Him – even if it means you will have to die for Him?

May it be that it’s okay that we have nothing because God alone, to us, means everything.

Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.”

-‭‭Matthew‬ ‭16:24‬ ‭(emphasis mine)

Obedient When It’s Convenient

“The most astounding thing about Jesus is that He is brutally honest about His feelings yet absolutely submitted to the will of God.”
-Timothy Keller

My closest friends and family know that one topic I’ve always felt so strongly about is Lordship, to the point that I recently got into a fairly heated discussion with my parents and brother as we argued the requirement of obedience and the presence of grace. It’s something I always point my friends back to, and it’s something I constantly fight to apply in my life as well.

In relation to it, one thing I noticed is that a lot of Christians can quickly obey when God asks of them small things, yet they can’t when it comes to the big things. And I’ve heard justifications wherein they say that they’re not usually like that, it’s just that this one’s too hard, failing to realize that that’s when surrender matters most. We often hear that it’s the small things that count, but in this case, the big gestures greatly matter too. We can’t make obedience into something that can only be done in our convenience, that can only be done when it’s easy for us.

The truth is that when we can’t surrender a certain dream or person, when we can’t obey because it’s too grueling, it means that we’ve found our comfort in something other than God, and I personally think that that is such a telling sign of the real state of our hearts. Tullian Tchividjian once asked, what are you trusting in, other than Jesus, to gain acceptance or approval, to experience security and significance, to find meaning and purpose, to discover identity and direction? See, you can’t say that you love God above everything else when there’s still something in your life that you’re not willing to give up, if there’s a certain comfort zone you’re not willing to leave. As I mentioned in a previous post, God wants us to sacrifice something that means everything to us to show Him that even then, He means more. And so of course it is going to hurt, of course it is going to be difficult. But we need to get past how we feel and acknowledge that our emotions aren’t God, God is God.

In spite of how we feel, we submit still.

Now knowing how sensitive this topic is, I don’t want to speak on it if it’s not something that can be seen in my life, if it’s not something I do my best to live out. I won’t go into details but my friends know this: personally, God has asked me to give up so many things that are so close to my heart. I had to give up people I loved so very dearly, I had to give up dreams and securities that I placed my hope in, I had to allow myself to be put in new places that I would not have chosen to be in. He has broken my heart again and again, He has asked me to lay my life down over and over. And it always hurts, so much and so deeply. But one thing I have always stood by is that He is worth every shattered piece of my heart, that He is worth it all so He can tear me apart. So you can’t tell me I don’t understand how difficult it is, because I really do. Reasons are just excuses because at the end of the day, it’s about desiring God more than anything and wanting to please Him more than anyone.

For example, when you’re asked to give up a relationship that may not be honoring God anymore, you may say that the other party will also get hurt. But think about it, who would you rather hurt, him or Him? You may say that doing a certain thing He’s asking of you is out of your comfort zone, but do you not believe that He will be the One to sustain you, that He will be there to guide you?

This life is not about you, and it’s not about others too. It’s about God. And so sometimes, you have to break your own heart or the hearts of people you care about to avoid breaking His.

I’ve also come to find that surrendering is something we have to constantly do, because today you might love a person more than God, and then tomorrow you might value what other people think about you more than what God does. But ultimately, it’s about choosing God in spite of how you feel, in spite of what you desire. It means apologizing even when you have to swallow your pride; it means speaking up even when you might be ridiculed; it means surrendering even when it feels like your heart’s about to break into a million pieces.

One thing I tend to tell people frequently is “wag mo nang lokohin sarili mo” (stop fooling yourself). Faith without action is meaningless, so is action without faith. We can’t be half-hearted about our obedience.  Don’t think that all you have to do is desire to obey and yet do nothing about it. Don’t think that you can surrender halfway, for there are no middle grounds or compromises. If Abraham just placed Isaac on the altar without actually going ahead to kill him, he would have failed God’s test. Remember, God only interfered when Abraham raised the knife. We have only truly surrendered when we can say from the heart that we are able to live without something and act upon it.

Jesus has said in Matthew 16:24 that if anyone is to follow Him, that person should deny himself and take up his cross – they both go hand in hand. Denying yourself happens in your heart and taking up your cross is done by action. Anything less than complete obedience in action and total surrender of the heart is disobedience.

“God intends to give us what we need, not what we now think we want.”
-C.S Lewis

We have to understand that God cares less about our temporary happiness and more about our eternal joy. We have to trust His heart for us, to hold on to the fact that He is faithful. We have to respond to what He is trying to teach us, for we are being made Christlike. Yes, it may be painful and we may not completely understand what’s going on at the moment, but we have to believe that God knows what He is doing and that the reasons why He asks us to do the things we do are ultimately for good. We have to learn that loving and trusting God means unconditional obedience. 

We fight to obey. Convenient or not, no matter what.

“For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?”
-Matthew 16:25-26

Nothing Left

“Lay your life down”

Again and again and again
I have, Father
Over and over again

And it hurts
It always hurts so much

I don’t understand why
Why You ask so much of me
Why You mold so much

Breaking, stretching
As if I can’t take a break
Like I can’t catch my breath


You are worth it
You are worth every piece
Every shattered piece of my heart

You are worth it all
So You can tear me apart

Ask me to obey
Ask me to sacrifice
It’s okay, because
You are all I need
You suffice

All that matters to me
Is You
Nothing is worth more than You

I can have nothing of this world
Because for me
Everything is You

Yes, let me have nothing
Just let me have You

I don’t understand why
Why this much
This soon
This often
But I don’t have to

I can not have the answers
Because I have You

You are most precious to me
You are most beautiful to me

Father, this is my response:

You are my life now.