Dear Pretty Lady: You Are Not Cheap

Dear Pretty Lady,

I know there’s so much more to you than a pretty face and an attractive body.

So let me say this: you are worth far more than a booty call or a flirty text. You deserve more than mixed signals and promises unfulfilled. You cannot be demeaned by catcalls and lingering gazes.

You do not have to reveal your body to get men to like you. You do not have to distinguish your value based on the number of likes you get on social media. You do not have to post an album of selfies and bikini shots just to show everyone how pretty you are. You do not have to have a new boyfriend every time a relationship fails because it makes you feel secure. You do not have to starve yourself thin just so you can be as physically attractive as the photoshopped women on magazines. You do not have to change your values so that your peers would like you.

Just because everyone else is lowering their standards and values doesn’t mean that you should too. You were made to stand out. You may have had a messy past, but who doesn’t? You don’t have to doubt your worth, and you don’t have to prove it to other people.

Therefore I plead you, do not give in to someone just because he gives you the butterflies, because emotions are easily manipulated. Wait for the one who will pursue you like a dying man in the desert would pursue water, wait for the man who knows your true value – the way God sees you. Do not expose your precious body and soul to a man who does not understand that such a treasure is worth waiting and working for. Do not succumb to the pressures of this culture and cover yourself in piles of makeup and facades of personality just to be “cool” and accepted. You are beautiful just as you are, and friends who do not see that might not be real friends at all.

You are not defined by how many men court you, by how many followers you have, nor by how pretty everyone else says you are.

Your value was declared and decided when the One who is love gave up His life for you. Know who He says you are, His beloved, His princess. You are worth pursuing, you are worth waiting for, you are worth dying for.

You are worth so much more.

You are a series of complexities, layering upon the other, an endless adventure to the people who are privileged enough to be let in on your journey. You are every possible color slammed together in one canvas, an abstract appreciated by those who are educated enough to know that art encompasses a broad range of wonder, and induces a wide range of emotions.

There may be times you feel so filled by darkness that you cannot see beyond yourself, but trust me, you are the universe. And there are so many stars and galaxies living inside of you, waiting to burst and show true stellar potential.

You are gold, constantly being refined. You are a precious jewel, rare and hard to find.

You are a pearl, and you do not throw pearls to pigs.

Dear Guy Friend: I Want Your Wife to Love Me 

Disclaimer: I want to make clear that not much has been said on the Bible about this and thus these are MY convictions and I won’t force them upon anyone else. I have nothing against people whose convictions are otherwise. But if somehow you can obtain wisdom out of it, then it would be my greatest honor and pleasure. No, I don’t ward guys off and I have a lot of close, healthy friendships with males in my life – men that I trust with every fiber of my being and have one-on-one friendly dates with. And in case of any intrigue, this is addressed to a general audience and I’m not writing to one specific person. I would also like to give a shoutout to my closest male friends, three of whom pre-approved this post. Couldn’t be more blessed to have you guys. ❤️

Dear Male Friend,

Before anything else, I would like to say that I am immensely blessed to have you in my life. Thank you for always being one phone call away when I need you – for being my bodyguard when unwanted guys go knocking at my door; for going out of your way to drive me home and make sure I’m safe; for being a shoulder to cry on when my heart gets broken; for being a confidant when my world comes shattering around me. Thank you for exhibiting what it means to be a true man of God and for walking out the kind of strength and bravery that matters.

Thank you for always protecting me, so allow me to protect you too.

You should know by now how affectionate I am, all the while knowing how firm I am when it comes to making sure no one falls beyond the line. You must wonder why I didn’t allow you to go to me when I was sick in my condo alone and you wanted to take care of me, or why I carefully drew up additional boundaries when I found out you liked me.

Do understand, I am thrilled to know I’m one of the closest friends you have and I’m one of the people you trust most. But when I encourage you to go to your male friends and leaders so that you could build deeper relationships with them, believe me when I say I’m doing what I believe would please God most.

See, I don’t want to be the first person you run to when you have a problem. I don’t want to be your main accountability partner. I don’t want you to think of me as your best friend or your closest friend.

I want all those to be your wife.

And until you meet her and build that kind of relationship with her, look for someone of the same gender whom you can trust, look up to, and share life with. Let him be your go-to person, not me. No, I’m not saying you stop opening up to me, please do. I love such conversations with you, and I appreciate you trusting me like that. Just don’t let me be your number one friend.

Also, on the very small chance that you think said future wife is me, just stop right there and hold your horses. Yes, it’s okay to pray for me and ask God for me. But until you full-out pursue me, don’t invest so much emotionally. I am in awe that you, knowing me fully and having seen me in my unguarded moments, would even consider me. So if you want to keep it in your heart, go ahead. Just don’t focus on it. Guard your heart, even if you do like me.

1 Timothy 5:1-2 speaks about how we should treat each other with absolute purity. I want to honor God with this friendship, and I want us to set an example on how people of opposite genders can be amazing, close friends and yet still not blur lines. Like C.S Lewis once wrote, friendship is standing side by side facing something in common, while lovers stand face to face to focus more on each other. Let’s journey this road looking towards God, not each other.

One day, you’ll get married. Probably to a girl that’s not me. And I don’t want us to keep reassuring her that our friendship doesn’t hold a candle to her and that it’s her who you absolutely, truly love. Rather than leaving any semblance of doubt in her about our relationship, I want her to see its purity and how much we protected each other from going too near the guardrails. Rather than driving her nuts and insecure, I want her to thank me for being her husband’s friend and for walking with him through his ups and downs as a sister.

I want your wife to love me and our friendship, too.

Similarly, I’ll get married (I hope). HAHAHAHAHA. And I’m sure somewhere out there, my future husband is building relationships with amazing, godly women who will walk with him in this life. I’ll owe a lot to these lovely women for really guiding him and loving him through his roller coasters; for standing with him even when the ground is shaking; for building him up in God – the same way I hope I’m doing with you now. And I’m just treating you the way I hope they’re treating him right now, too.

Now don’t worry, I am not robbing you of coffee-date privileges and I will still allow you to drive me when you’re worried about my safety and I will still seat shotgun even if we’re with a group. We need close, healthy men-women relationships to fully flourish. But do remember if ever I start to be careful, I’m doing it not only for me and my future husband, but also for you and your future wife.

So in honor of you, I will go a little poetic here. I am vastly honored that in this colossal, tragic world full of smashing cosmos and comets torn apart, the Lord allowed your universe to collide with mine. It is my greatest pleasure to grow with you, super sizing until we explode and shine like the stars God meant for us to be – making earth-shattering impact whenever we come together and leaving others in awe of how we reflect His oceanic, mountainous, planetary glory.

But dear friend, when she comes, the universe won’t just shudder.

The heavens will sing.

And I’ll be on the front row, belting off with the choir of angels.