When I Say I’m Praying for [him]

I say a prayer every time I think of you. Every. Single. Time.

I pray that you’re allowing what the Lord is doing in you during this season.

That you are completely yielded to the Holy Spirit and where He is leading you.

That you are fruitful and growing in wherever you are, whatever you are doing.

I pray for you.

I don’t pray about us.

I do tell the Lord about what I feel for you and openly express my desire to be with you, but I do not want to nag heaven with cries and petitions of what I want and how I want you.

Not that doing so is wrong, but then is it really right? Am I even truly praying for you if my intentions revolve around me?

I refuse to highlight what I want and how I feel, no matter how incredibly tempting it is for me to do so. The last thing I want is to make this journey of praying for you about me.

If I’m going to passionately bombard heaven with relentless prayers about you, I might as well make them into prayers that are actually, well, for you.

For your benefit and for your good and for His glory in your story.

Whether that story includes me or not begs to be seen, but that doesn’t change a thing.

I choose to pray not with palms clasped tight but with arms open wide.

More than anything else, I pray for His will to come to pass in every area of your life.

I pray to see His glory shine ever brighter in and through who you are and who He is making you to be.

I pray that you live a life of His best; even if that means it’s a life that does not include me.

I don’t pray that you’ll be mine. Just that you’d be His.

Limang Maikling Tula Para sa Kanya

Disclaimer: I wrote this as a creative challenge to myself more than anything. 
(Putting that disclaimer up for my dad more than anything 😂).

Isa, dalawa, tatlo, apat, lima
Binibilang ang araw hanggang tayo’y muling magkita
Isa, dalawa, tatlo, apat, lima
Binibilang ang beses na sinabi sa puso, tama na

Isa
Alam mo bang ako’y nabighani sa iyong mga mata?
Alam mo bang ang ngiti mo’y nakaukit sa aking gunita?
Alam mo bang ang bawat galaw, bawat sulyap, aking itinatala?

Isa
Isang beses ko palang ito nagawa, nadama

Dalawa
‘Di makahinga, ‘di makaimik
Idinadaan na lamang sa nakaw na tingin
Sa loob-loob, nanalangin
Na balang araw, ika’y maging akin

Tatlo
Ang kathang isip lamang, pwede ba maging katotohanan?
Araw-araw nagdadasal sa Diyos na Siya’y gumawa ng paraan
Ngunit kung sabihin Niya na kailangan kang bitawan
Ako’y handang magparaya, magpalaya,
Lumisan

Apat
Sapagkat ayaw kong pilitin ang tadhana
Hihintayin na lamang ang nakatakda

Lima
Nangangamba, ngunit nagbabakasali
Gusto kita
Gustong gusto kita
Pero Diyos parin ang natatangi

Dear Future Daughter: “Am I Pretty?”

I can already picture it.

You at 3, in your favorite white dress all sparkly and poofy, coming up to me with eyes wide open with curiosity. A flick of hair here, a twirl there, and your heart begging to be delighted in.

"Mommy, mommy, am I pretty?"

I'm going to look you straight in the eyes and tell you the truth.

Yes, love, of course you are.

You might, at 5, walk up to me in jean shorts and your now-favorite "I love daddy" tee. You ask me if it's okay that you chose your own clothes, that you're not wearing the pinks I like dressing you in. You ask me if you're still pretty.

Of course you are, baby.

(And I might inwardly laugh at my failure to impart all my girly).

Then, at 13, you might run crying home from school. The boy you liked didn't like you back,
"Am I not pretty enough?"

I would look into your eyes stained with insecurity, see straight into your heart, and know now you're capable to receive the whole truth.

It's not that you're not pretty enough, maybe he can't handle all the pretty you have.

I'm not saying it to say it, I'm saying it because it's true.

This 5-letter word will never encompass all there is to you and it is even unworthy to hold all that you are. You are not "merely pretty", and you will never be.

You are pretty wonderful, pretty amazing, pretty intelligent, pretty artistic, pretty stunning, pretty mind-blowing.

I'll hand you a pint of ice cream, and I'll give you first-hand info:a guy who can't see beyond "pretty" will never be worthy of you.

I feel sorry for the lad who can't see past pretty – he who will never have the opportunity to see beyond the way you look to discover the way your mind thinks and your heart beats. He will never see the depths of your soul and the intricacies of your spirit.

So you will be the lady, at 15, flitting from store to store looking for the perfect prom dress, not so you could catch his eye but so you can celebrate and enjoy the beauty that you have in greater measure.

You will be the lady, at 18, reading books on femininity. And you might come across the ones that tell you that you have to be wearing dresses and skirts because it's the best way you can honor God with your beauty, but you would by then have already known the truth:

Femininity hasn't to do with dressing pretty; it has to do with becoming the woman who God created you to do be – stepping into your destiny.

You will never sit at a bar stool half clothed, desperate for a stranger to think your face is pretty enough.

You will never compete with women, pointed eyes looking up and down and trying to look for something to criticize in one seemingly too pretty.

You will never have to go lengths just to catch a man's eye, longing for affirmation that you're worth a glance.

For you know that there's One who has had eyes for you since the beginning of time; who, not for a single second, didn't love you. You no longer seek to be told pretty, you seek to reflect His beauty.

You risk every day to unveil this beauty to the world, bravely putting your heart on the line, refusing to allow the world and its cynicism to put a damper on your heart so filled with love, on your eyes always filled with wonder. And when it gets too much and when you get broken, you are the perfume bottle spilled at His feet.

Your life is the fragrance – enchanting, worship.

You will be the woman clothed with dignity, humility, joy, and fulfillment.

Pretty and so, so much more.

Dear Mr. Right: I Can’t Love You That Way Anymore

Dear Mr. Right,

Just a heads up: this might not make you feel butterflies or see hearts.

I’m assuming you’ve read the thousand of books and posts out there on the qualities “God’s Perfect Choice” should have. Of course you have, you’re a godly man. The truth is, I have always wanted you to be the epitome of what everyone would call “The One”. You know how some people say that from the very first time you lay your eyes on that one person, you just know? Well, I have a type. And this entire time, I have waited for that leap of recognition when I look at faces that pass this physical standard. I have held a list up to every guy who dares to get close to me, trying to see how many qualities on my list he lives up to, trying to rate and trying to see if he is you.

But maybe it won’t be that way for us. Maybe you look nothing like how I want you to. And so let me look for you not through the lens of this world and its superficial standards. Let me recognize you through your bubbling laughter and sparkling eyes, through your kind soul and compassionate smile. Let me see not how many barbells you lift at the gym, but how you arms are outstretched to those in need. Let me see not the brand of shoes you wear, but how your feet are willing to go wherever the Lord says so. Let me hear not how deep and melodic your voice is, but how you speak life, grace, and truth. Let me notice not how high you hold your head up, but how low you kneel before His Throne.

One of the main reasons I will love you so much is because you look like Christ. 

Yet amidst all these expectations and requirements, I realized that while having standards is most certainly not wrong, I was teaching myself to only love good people. I was conditioning myself to love you conditionally, and that the moment you start messing up, I can no longer consider you as God’s best. And I can’t love you that way anymore. I’m done claiming to be ready to love you when it’s actually on the basis of my preferences and comforts and pretensions. 

How can I expect you to never make a mistake when I constantly make mistakes too? How can I expect you to be forgiving and understanding of my issues when I refuse to even give any guy the time of the day because he has struggles? How can I say that I love you when it has become all about my standards and my happiness? 

I sincerely apologize for having diminished your worth to a formula; for thinking that your value is rooted in how convenient it would be to love you. I don’t want you to be a checklist I get to tick off. I want you to be real.

So know that I will also love you in the moments that you fall short.

I never want you to feel as if I would judge you just because you lost control over your anger or had a murky past. I never want you to think that you have to be the poster boy for Prince Charming to gain my affection. All I expect of you is that you love God above everything and anything else; I expect you to revere Him and adore Him and live out your life in light of who He is.

Still even then, I know there will still be mess-ups. You’re going to make mistakes and so am I. We’re going to hurt and we’re going to fight because fairy tales and chick flicks are just that – fiction. But what we have is better. What we have is not a story of pretend written by human hands, we have one written by the Author of the Universe – full of plot twists and conflicts for we are to be refined all through out this journey called life. I doubt that it’s going to be easy, walking on this path together, but there will be no balking the moment things get tough and there will be no running away. There will be love, there will be understanding, and there will be repentance and forgiveness.

See, I don’t want us to be like couples who claim to have missed out on “The One” and that they married the wrong person. My love, to me, you don’t become “The One” when you have fulfilled my preferences; you become The One the moment we say, “I do” – that’s why the path to you must be filled with reason and guidance. You remain to be The One even when you fail and even when times get rough. And though you will change through the years, that wouldn’t change a thing because I know that I would have married a person, dynamic and changing, not a list.

To be honest, I’m writing this more for my sake than yours. I have always been obsessed with getting things right, but I am done having criteria that are selfish and are driven by my individual desires. I’m doing this to remind myself that The One I’m waiting for is also a human being – and I wouldn’t have him any other way.

And so tell me, tell me about the universe hidden inside of you, show me the darkness, and let me point out all the stars I see. Let me commit to you not with knowledge of my ideals, but with knowledge of your faults and your weaknesses. Let me love you not only because, let me love you in spite of.

For while the process of choosing you would mean the need for wisdom on the basis of clear thinking, being in a relationship with you would be driven by wisdom on the basis of God’s unconditional love. And so when I dive into this adventure with you, it means witnessing both wonders and horrors; it means embracing the beauty of mystery and uncertainty.

When I love you, I love you completely – past, present, and future; mess and all. When I choose you, I don’t choose by formula, I choose by faith.

And it is with faith that is neither blind nor naïve, with eyes fixed on The One who first loved, that we’ll get this right.

Let’s Take It Slow

Let’s take it slow

Not because I’m playing it safe, but because I’m not
Truth be told, you’re the surest thing I’ve got
And so I want to hold on to this feeling and stretch it out
I want to know everything that makes you laugh, cry, and pout

Let’s take it slow

Because I want to explore every nook and cranny of your soul
I want to know what tears you apart and makes you whole
I want you to be a part of every page of my book
I want to capture and memorize every whisper and stolen look

Let’s take it slow

Not because I don’t want to make mistakes, but because I do
And I want to see every flaw that there is about you
Not to judge you or to deem you unworthy
But for you to know that I’m beside you even when you feel lowly

Let’s take it slow

Because I want to make sure these minutes turn into hours
And I want to spend my nights with you talking under the stars
Because being with you, the hours feel like minutes
And I want to make sure that our love won’t feel pressured by limits

Let’s take it slow

Not because I’m not ready, but because I am
And we need to let this unfold as in God’s plan
Together, we will have a love that lives and dreams
Yet we have to acknowledge that love takes time; it’s not as easy as it seems

Let’s take it slow

Because yes, you’ve been running through my thoughts all day
But I do believe it is wisdom that we don’t immediately follow what our hearts say
So let’s wait a while, there’s only now to lose and a lifetime to gain
For you’re all my dreams come true and I’ve never been more certain

Let’s take it slow

Not because we’re bound by rules, but because I want to honor God
And you know, you really have to go through my dad 😂
Because relationships aren’t a formula of one plus one equals two
It’s a different story for each, but I hope this one leads to “I do”

Let’s take it slow

Because in you, I’ve found something good and I’m not letting go
But to reach the end, we wait and keep it down low
For God’s still molding me, like He is doing with you
And we’ve got to be aligned to Him to have a love that is true

So let’s take it slow

Dear Future Child: I Won’t Be a Cool Mom

It has been said “train a child
in the way he should go
And it is in this manner
that he will grow.”

And honestly, honey, as cool
as I want you to think I will be
My job here isn’t really
all that simple and easy

So at the age of 4,
when you yell and whine
I’ll discipline you, and trust me,
the hurt is more mine

At the age of 7,
when you slam the door
I’ll probably hold a sermon
you think is a bore

When you turn 13,
you’ll “fall in love”
But sweetheart, I’ll teach you
that true love comes from above

You’ll be 18 and see your friends
taking drugs, smoking, and drinking
Then you’ll probably ask me
“why don’t you allow me to do anything?”

My love, please understand
that I do want you happy
But I care more about what happens
to you in eternity

I will adore you
And to you, no one can compare
But I’ll be honest,
you won’t always think things are fair

So I may not allow you to do all the things
that will make you temporarily fulfilled
But I will fully support you
in any interest and hobby you want to yield

I will understand and embrace
your desires and quirks
So you can shine bright as who you are
even when darkness lurks

And if, like me, by the age of 10
you start to express desire to marry
I’ll do my best to not freak out,
like your grandma and granddaddy

I will embrace your friends
and welcome them as part of the family
I’ll share jokes with you, trade secrets
and show them how deep you can count on me

They’ll even witness how
your mommy’s cookies are the best
But baking is something I have yet to learn,
so for the meantime put your cravings at rest 😂

And don’t worry, God gave us free will
thus I’ll let you make your own decisions too
I will just make sure that values and foundations,
I have instilled in you

I will show you how to stand up for what is right
and fight for it if you have to
So you will see how justice
is something we should do

You will see in my life
how much love gives away
So that “I want to love like my mom”
is something you’ll proudly say

From the very beginning,
together we will seek God’s will
so when your heart bounces and breaks
you know the truth isn’t always what you feel

By the way, you’re not allowed to say bad words
like everyone else in school
Because I will teach you that it’s wrong to curse
when life in it’s essence is wonderfully beautiful

So baby, I might not be as “cool”
as your friends’ moms may be
But I will be your best friend
In reaching your full destiny