Men, You Are God’s Gift to Women.

I’m not talking about the guy who arrogantly flaunts and flirts and personally tags himself as God’s gift to women.

(Hi. If that’s you, I’m telling you straight up: you’re probably not, actually. Sorry).

I’m talking about you who care so much about Biblical manhood that you’d invest time and money into learning how you can better serve others by being the best you could be. I’m talking to you who wouldn’t subscribe to the stereotypical basis of what a man looks like and would rather break the standards by following His standard.

I’ve told you before how much we needed more men like you, but have I ever mentioned how much we appreciated you?

When you lead and not dictate,
When you are tested yet stay committed,
When you graciously listen and communicate,
When you have vision and take action,
When you pray and obey,
When you take responsibility and not make excuses,
When you rise up and take initiative,
When you give and don’t require,
When you respect and don’t expect,
When you are passionate and compassionate,
When you affirm and correct,
When you protect and pursue,
When you fight for the wronged,
When you forgive what is wrong,

When you refuse to be passive and jump right in,
When you step back and choose to be patient,
When you go out of your way,
When you show up,
When you don’t leave,

You are God’s gift to women.

When your heart is in the right place,
When your eyes are fixed on His face,
When you seek Him always,

You are God’s gift to women.

Please, never, ever stop making an effort. Never, ever stop stepping into all that He has for you. Never, ever stop fighting for the calling He has placed upon you.

Even when it’s difficult, even when it’s tiring, even when it takes so much of you: keep at it. Never, ever stop using the gifts He has given you. Never, ever stop being the gift He has called you to become.

For when you humbly admit that you aren’t there yet, but you want to be,
When you deliberately take steps, no matter how slowly,

You already are God’s gift to women.

Thank you for all that you are,
And thank you for all that you will be.

Bro, Don’t Me.

Based on a thousand true stories of malilinaw na malabong usapan, though not one of them mine. Rather, these are the collective thoughts of males and females alike who are close to me and have been in such circumstances before. 

Let’s make it clear before this gets too far. Like a puppet-master with a string, you have always known how to pull me to you. But today, I might have to cut the ties.

The Greek have said that emotion must warm reason, but reason must rule emotion. I confess, I can love you in spite of everything. I can give up my “rights” and what I “deserve.” However, I choose not to, not because I choose in selfishness but because I choose in wisdom. I apologize for not standing my ground sooner yet I will not apologize for this, now.

I refuse to allow you to keep waging active warfare against my heart.

Stop messaging me audaciously on Facebook if you can’t even face me properly in person. Stop flirting with my emotions if you can’t take responsibility. Stop strategizing and teasing, drawing me near the boundary lines, tempting me to compromise.

Stop making me forget my worth and who I am in Christ.

I am not a secret kept in the dark; I am to be loved in the light. I am not a trophy to be won; I am to be treasured like the jewel in your crown. I am not a toy to be played around with; I am to be treated as I am – created in the image of Maker, bought by the life of the Savior.

They say boys will be boys, but I refuse to accept that. I don’t want to forget your mantle and who God created you to be, too.

You are not a boy, weak and unsure; you are to be a man, ready to lead and take risks. You are not a slave to your emotions and desires; you are to be a warrior fighting for what is right and true. You are not a player; you are to be who you are – entrusted by the Maker to care for His creation, marked by the love of the Savior.

I will not take the easiest route with you, not if it means settling for less than the quality of relationship God might have for us. I don’t want to keep each other stuck like this. The stakes are simply too high. I deserve better. You deserve better. I refuse to rob you and your future wife of your time and affection, so please don’t rob me and my future husband of mine.

If you’re going to pursue me, then do so the way Christ would want you to pursue me.

Love me with clarity.

How would you feel if your sister is being treated the way you treat me?

Love me with purity.

Brother, a man who looks to Jesus would know how to treat a woman.

A woman’s insecurity is never an excuse for a man’s irresponsibility. And as you do your job, I promise I will do mine.

Man up. Please, don’t me.

Dear Men: We Need You

Disclaimer: I am not generalizing that all males are boys, for I personally know godly, amazing men who lead and take on the things God have set before them. I also know of situations where it is the woman who messed up while it is the man who stayed and came through. So no, this is not a generalization. Rather, this is an appeal to the males of this generation.

Dear Men,

I was looking through thoughtcatalog and got so struck by how much boys out there are parading to be men that I had to write this. I had to. I am so sick of guys determining their manliness by how many women they’ve dated or how good they are in bed. I am tired of reading articles and watching movies telling guys that it’s okay to be passive, it’s okay to be irresponsible.

I am writing this as a lady of this generation crying out in frustration and despair: man up.

No, I’m not talking about buffing up or beefing up. I’m talking about stepping into the mantle God placed upon you. I’m talking about not making excuses and not running away; I’m talking about taking on the responsibility that should have always been carried by the supposed head of the household.

I have read enough books about manhood to have an idea about how difficult it is for you, how scary it is for you to do something you’re not sure you’ll succeed at. I know you’re scared of messing up. I know you have injuries about your past and doubts about your manhood. I get that, I do.

But we have become a culture where boys are encouraged to stay boys for as long as they can by being addicted to partying, womanizing, and video games, while we have forced girls to take on big responsibilities at a young age and have taught them to shut their hearts away because boys will take advantage of such emotional vulnerabilities.

I’m sorry to say, males want the rights and rewards of being a man while taking on only the responsibilities of a boy.

The media clearly portrays how husbands act incompetent thus leaving the responsibilities to their wives and getting disrespected by their kids. We have got to stop emasculating men, and I dearly apologize on behalf of all women who have. Ladies, open your eyes. It never works to our good. Why fight for similar roles when we have been created for completely different purposes? We shouldn’t be surprised if there is a lack of real men out there – we give them an excuse to be passive anyway by how we fight for control. The fault isn’t all on them. And so I pray that as they step into manhood, we ladies are also backing them up and believing in them.

Because, all feminism aside, women need men to come through for us too.

And so guys, I am appealing to you to fight past your fears and move past your doubts. I am telling you step up and step out. I am humbly asking you to allow the pain of molding and allow God to do His work in you so He can work through you.

There are countless of households out there with absent fathers – drowning themselves in their careers or spending their time in the arms of another woman or in front of the television. Wives are abandoned, children are neglected. And so even at an early age, young girls have come to learn to guard themselves from men and to be aggressive, for no one of that gender ever comes through for them anyway. Teenagers now flirt unapologetically and dress immodestly, giving away their hearts and bodies and going through such crazy lengths to garner attention from guys they hardly even know simply because no attention was ever given to them by the man they need it most from.

I was watching a movie recently where a father was so desperately trying to be cool that he would use cuss words and encourage his son to have sex. My jaw hit the floor. Like seriously, is this what the world perceives manhood to be now? Having the most number of sexual conquests? Getting to lose your virginity before 18? Consuming the most amount of alcohol? And to think that his father of all people would support that. The word father means leader, chief. A son looks to his father for his definition of manhood. So is this worldly standard what fathers have been leading their sons to and not the standard of God? Is this the legacy you would want to leave? Womanizing, conquests, and alcoholism?

NO.

We need husbands who commit themselves to loving and fighting for one woman for the rest of their lives, not boys who think they are men by turning to pornography and “collecting” the most number of ladies as possible. We need fathers who know their priorities and are willing to take the time necessary to build intimacy within the family, not boys who hide beneath paperwork and focus so much on building a career that they risk losing their families for the sake of a promotion. We need sons who honor and respect their parents, not boys who rebel and answer back. We need brothers who set examples and embrace the responsibilities placed upon them, not boys who make up excuses and don’t take accountability of their actions. We need boyfriends who protect women emotionally and physically until they say “I do”, not boys who exploit emotions to get what they want. We need suitors who step out of their comfort zones to pursue and take risks, not boys who play it safe and wait for a door to magically open. We need friends who lead their loved ones closer to God no matter what, not boys who conform to the world to seem cool. We need students who are excellent and take leadership, not boys who copy off someone else’s work and cut class. We need workers who fight for integrity even if it means standing up to their boss, not boys who can’t say no. We need members of the community who protect, love, and serve others, not boys who think only about self-gain and pride. We need fighters who stand up for what is right even if it costs them their lives, not boys who hide behind their mommies once conflict comes up. We need Christians who lead humble, Christlike lives and are driven by God, not ego.

We need men whose lives are not defined by society, appearance, money, career, or women. We need men who allow their lives to be defined by God.

We don’t just need good men, we need godly men.

Stop looking to Barney Stinson and his playbook or Iron Man and his suits for definitions of manhood. We don’t need more boys who objectify women or boys who focus so much on their goals that they neglect their loved ones (movie reference: Age of Ultron). Instead, look to Christ: someone not only willing to fight for what is right and to die for who He loves, but someone who was willing to walk in humility and endure embarrassment, who was ready to give up everything that He is for the sake of pleasing God.

I know it’s a high standard to reach, but it’s better that you take the risk and at least try being a man rather than remain passive and thereby making sure you will never get to be one. I understand that this is unpopular opinion and some of you might already be cringing in their seats reading this. But we, as Christians, have got to stop going with the flow of culture. Look at where culture has brought us anyway, we have so many worries about the seeming loss of humanity in this generation. Instead of worrying, why don’t we do something about? Stop being complacent and start storming the gates of hell. Break the pattern. Go against the culture. Be a world changer.

It begins with you.

And don’t worry, God’s ready to guide you. He has called you. He has qualified you. He will equip you. His grace is there to catch you and to empower you. For no matter what the world has told you, you are a warrior. You are fierce. You are noble. You are worthy.

It doesn’t matter what you have been through, God can use that for good. Just let Him. Allow Him to draw you deeper and develop your character, so He can use you greater.

Fight for your destiny. Be bold. Be courageous.

I believe in you. God believes in you.

So step out in faith. The world is waiting for you.

“When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.”
-‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭13:11‬

For material by men for men about being a man, I suggest Wild at Heart by John Eldredge, Act Like a Man by Dennis Sy, The Resolution for Men by Steve and Alex Kendrick, and books by Steve Farrar.

Dear Guy Friend: I Want Your Wife to Love Me 

Disclaimer: I want to make clear that not much has been said on the Bible about this and thus these are MY convictions and I won’t force them upon anyone else. I have nothing against people whose convictions are otherwise. But if somehow you can obtain wisdom out of it, then it would be my greatest honor and pleasure. No, I don’t ward guys off and I have a lot of close, healthy friendships with males in my life – men that I trust with every fiber of my being and have one-on-one friendly dates with. And in case of any intrigue, this is addressed to a general audience and I’m not writing to one specific person. I would also like to give a shoutout to my closest male friends, three of whom pre-approved this post. Couldn’t be more blessed to have you guys. ❤️

Dear Male Friend,

Before anything else, I would like to say that I am immensely blessed to have you in my life. Thank you for always being one phone call away when I need you – for being my bodyguard when unwanted guys go knocking at my door; for going out of your way to drive me home and make sure I’m safe; for being a shoulder to cry on when my heart gets broken; for being a confidant when my world comes shattering around me. Thank you for exhibiting what it means to be a true man of God and for walking out the kind of strength and bravery that matters.

Thank you for always protecting me, so allow me to protect you too.

You should know by now how affectionate I am, all the while knowing how firm I am when it comes to making sure no one falls beyond the line. You must wonder why I didn’t allow you to go to me when I was sick in my condo alone and you wanted to take care of me, or why I carefully drew up additional boundaries when I found out you liked me.

Do understand, I am thrilled to know I’m one of the closest friends you have and I’m one of the people you trust most. But when I encourage you to go to your male friends and leaders so that you could build deeper relationships with them, believe me when I say I’m doing what I believe would please God most.

See, I don’t want to be the first person you run to when you have a problem. I don’t want to be your main accountability partner. I don’t want you to think of me as your best friend or your closest friend.

I want all those to be your wife.

And until you meet her and build that kind of relationship with her, look for someone of the same gender whom you can trust, look up to, and share life with. Let him be your go-to person, not me. No, I’m not saying you stop opening up to me, please do. I love such conversations with you, and I appreciate you trusting me like that. Just don’t let me be your number one friend.

Also, on the very small chance that you think said future wife is me, just stop right there and hold your horses. Yes, it’s okay to pray for me and ask God for me. But until you full-out pursue me, don’t invest so much emotionally. I am in awe that you, knowing me fully and having seen me in my unguarded moments, would even consider me. So if you want to keep it in your heart, go ahead. Just don’t focus on it. Guard your heart, even if you do like me.

1 Timothy 5:1-2 speaks about how we should treat each other with absolute purity. I want to honor God with this friendship, and I want us to set an example on how people of opposite genders can be amazing, close friends and yet still not blur lines. Like C.S Lewis once wrote, friendship is standing side by side facing something in common, while lovers stand face to face to focus more on each other. Let’s journey this road looking towards God, not each other.

One day, you’ll get married. Probably to a girl that’s not me. And I don’t want us to keep reassuring her that our friendship doesn’t hold a candle to her and that it’s her who you absolutely, truly love. Rather than leaving any semblance of doubt in her about our relationship, I want her to see its purity and how much we protected each other from going too near the guardrails. Rather than driving her nuts and insecure, I want her to thank me for being her husband’s friend and for walking with him through his ups and downs as a sister.

I want your wife to love me and our friendship, too.

Similarly, I’ll get married (I hope). HAHAHAHAHA. And I’m sure somewhere out there, my future husband is building relationships with amazing, godly women who will walk with him in this life. I’ll owe a lot to these lovely women for really guiding him and loving him through his roller coasters; for standing with him even when the ground is shaking; for building him up in God – the same way I hope I’m doing with you now. And I’m just treating you the way I hope they’re treating him right now, too.

Now don’t worry, I am not robbing you of coffee-date privileges and I will still allow you to drive me when you’re worried about my safety and I will still seat shotgun even if we’re with a group. We need close, healthy men-women relationships to fully flourish. But do remember if ever I start to be careful, I’m doing it not only for me and my future husband, but also for you and your future wife.

So in honor of you, I will go a little poetic here. I am vastly honored that in this colossal, tragic world full of smashing cosmos and comets torn apart, the Lord allowed your universe to collide with mine. It is my greatest pleasure to grow with you, super sizing until we explode and shine like the stars God meant for us to be – making earth-shattering impact whenever we come together and leaving others in awe of how we reflect His oceanic, mountainous, planetary glory.

But dear friend, when she comes, the universe won’t just shudder.

The heavens will sing.

And I’ll be on the front row, belting off with the choir of angels.